Are there many control freaks out there? Are you guilty of being one? Let me know okay!

From what I see/know, many boyfriends/girlfriends are control freaks. They restrict where their S.O. goes, cyber stalk them, and suspect alot. Sometimes I think I fall into that category, but most times I refrain from being a control freak.

What's the point of checking on your S.O. if she/he's cheating?
You know, you get hurt.
You don't know, you don't.
You know, he doesn't change, you get hurt more.
You don't know, nothing happens.
You know, you leave him. YIPPEE!
You don't know, get kept in the dark. When you eventually somehow find out, it shocks you. :O

What if she/he's not cheating?
You check, they get irritated.
You check more, they feel offended.
You check some more, their privacy totally gone.
You check even more, they know you don't trust them. When a relationship doesn't have trust, it can't work. :)

I was a victim of cyber-stalking. The feeling toootally sucked. I love my privacy, and when it's being intruded, I get quite mad. :x

Not that I have secrets. Maybe I do. But there are things that I just like to keep to myself. I bet some (if not most) people out there are like me.

So, take a break. Stop cyber-stalking. Relax. If it's gonna work out, it will.

Just a random thought.

If the truth hurts, and I had a choice, I'd rather not know. ;p
But curiosity kills me as well :O
So, don't rouse my curiosity. =P

-BRIIIIN-
Driving skill level up. AMATUER NOW. :p

Anyhow, I'm so freaking tired now. Wanna go to bed and K.O.. But that lovely darling of mine is out with his friends and I shall wait for him. ;)

I LOVE MY NEW MOUSE!!

Hey, I'm on the bus right now. :) Feeling rather happy cos' I bought myself a Razer Mouse today. :) It's lovely sugar pink.

On my way home from meeting Da Mi. We met at Plaza Singapoura for dinner (takoyaki) and a drink. DAMN, the drink was so gassy it made me puke.

Learnt something from Strawberry Panic. Though we all have sad times, there will always be happy times. And definitely more! :D

Today is a slackish day. :D Anyway, woke up and went S'goon North with Da mi to see guinea pigs and rabbits.

Then we went to outside of my secondary school for lunch. It was so freaking warm when I reached home. So I switched on the air con and lay there, with my laptop. Wanted to take a nap but I wanted to hunt mice on MouseHunt. But after a while I was too pissed to hunt, cos' my webpages couldn't load. LOUSY INTERNET/LAPTOP!!!!!!

Never mind, I'll get the MacBook soon. ;)

Slacked and watched anime till 5pm and went out to the mall to get pet food and pet litter stuff. Went to NTUC after that. Just within that hour, I spent nearly $130. Goodness gracious. -__- Luckily $100 was from mum.

LOVE YA MUM! HOPE YOU AND DEARIE ENJOYED MY DINNER! :D

Had no chance to take pictures of the food before consuming. Cos' we were all soooo hungry!
Teriyaki chicken, french beans fried with carrots and lean meat, fried egg with bits of prawn, and campbell's soup! Japanese rice to top it off. Yummy. ^^v

You bought me roses. Pink ones. How sweet of you. 3 roses - I, Love, You. Thank you baby. I love you too. <3

Somehow, I just feel that we can no longer clique.. Maybe it's cos of e monk..? Those stuff you say to him tt I know nothing about..?

HAHA. The last post was such a shabby one. I just got home from driving then, and was recovering from the shock on the roads.

Let's do the post all over again. :) (This post was supposed to be up last night but my internet connection screwed up and I lost my whole post somehow.)

I didn't sleep well last night, though I went to bed at 11pm. I put on some chanting music and finally managed to calm myself and drift off to dreamland. But I kept waking up, like maybe 5 times that night. When it was finally 8 am, I was reluctant to get out of bed so I napped till 8.25 am, and got out of bed to shower. After my shower, I lit the oil lamps, offered incense and made some milk for myself so I wouldn't be hungry.

I left home in a hurry, forgetting that I have only drank half a cup of the milk, cos' I remembered that I had forgotten to withdraw money to pay my instructor. So I cut across the park to the ATM and then to the bus stop. Luckily I wasn't late for my warm-ups.

Started driving from 10 am all the way till 11 am, and went for my circuit till 11.40 am. After which I rushed off to the room to wait for my name to be called by the tester. I swear that I was crossing my fingers and hoping that CKC won't call my name.

Then was my nightmare. The door swung open and a familiar face appeared. "CKC!!!" I screamed in my head. "OH PLEASE DON'T CALL MY NAME!", I heard myself repeat that mentally. Thankfully, he called someone else. (But it was really unlucky for the person. I saw his gloomy face in the office later on.)

And my tester came. It was an Indian man. He's really good! Really patient when I was sooooo slow, and he was so encouraging. He kept saying "Mm, good." which makes me feel more confident and less nervous. Halfway through the circuit I practically stopped being nervous. :D

Then it was out on the roads, something I was really confident about. Lucky for me, the route was a short one. Out to the main roads and back to CDC. Then I parked the car under the shade, Mr Ooi came to collect the car as I walked upstairs with my tester.

When I was sitting in the room as the tester was printing my results, I chatted with the guy beside me. I asked him how it went and he told me that he had mounted a kerb. Sigh. I could totally understand how it felt, cos' I felt it my first time round. The OMG sadness.

Then I got my results! :D 4 points in the circuit and 8 on road. So a total of 12 points. :D I called Mr Ooi, let him know that I had passed and he came to collect the car "rental" fees and lesson fees and said "OK. Thank you, bye bye." and walked off. I was told to go to counter 1 to apply for my photocard license and I super blur-ly walked to the counter 1 downstairs. -_- Made a fool out of myself but I was too happy to care anyway. Finally found the counter, got a queue number and sat down to wait. The queue was really long so I went to watch the video while waiting. It all took about an hour.

Then I made my way to my boyfriend's house. Went to OG Orchard with Zoey and Auntie Linda, had Mushroom Pot for lunch. I wouldn't say that the food was good.. But at least my soup was. :D

Then we went to Centrepoint, met Selynn, went Cold Storage, and went back to my boyfriend's house. While waiting for my boyfriend to come back, I drove Zoey around the estate. A taxi driver zoomed past me in front of me without looking. Luckily I didn't speed out. He was too engrossed in digging his nose to care. So I turned right, followed behind him. He stopped to let the passenger alight, then drove ahead and continued with his nose digging. -_-" Drove back and parked back into the same lot. :P

Later on after dinner, went to Beach Road to fetch my mum. Drove past Geylang. Waa, crowded and people dash out from nowhere. So freaking scary. And it was my first time driving at night. Wooh~ So stressed.

Drove back from Beach Road. Such a long journey home. Drove past many buses, cars, jams. So stressed out. But gained quite alot of experience. :D Phew! I'm a licensed driver!! :D:D

WHEE I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST TODAY! 12 PTS. :p 4 in circuit. 8 on road! (2 times abrupt lane changing.)

Thank you tester. <3

Tomorrow's my 2nd TP. I'm so shitass nervous. :(

Yesterday I went into circuit the first time after my 1st TP. I still feel traumatised. The phobia of entering S-course. I'm afraid that I will hear the tester say "Strike kerb." Phobia........

Good morning!

I just spent the last... 4 hours listening to songs, and playing Rock Legends! on Facebook. Somehow I don't really feel tired. I feel the sadness within me. It's always been there... But most of the time I just throw it to the back of my head, not thinking about it. Tonight I can't, somehow.....

My boyfriend has a "shi fu". Congratulations to him for having someone else to share his problems with. (Have I been forgotten?)

Oh why am I so insecure? Something in the atmosphere set me thinking. It has always been with me. I used to make cards to my mum and dad, asking if they love me. It's kinda silly, but I just love the reassurance. I was an insecure kid. Now I'm an insecure adult. Why can't it go away? :(

My boyfriend said his "shi fu" said that I have features (面相) of someone whose life is/will not be smooth, 苦命, etc. That doesn't bother me.

But somehow I got reminded of myself, growing up. Yes, compared to other people, I may be more fortunate. I've had my share of happiness, but it's not a fair share.

Primary 2, I started wearing spectacles.. Quite a few people shunned me cos of that. But that's still alright. Was in a big clique, got expelled. Reason being, the clique was too big. And the person who expelled me was the same person who handed me a paper print out MY BEST FRIEND with a star. I still remember her name. :( I ran alone to the field and cried.

Primary 5 and 6. There was an anti-me "club" formed? Members were those popular people in class. Yes, loneliness. Luckily there was Shi Yin, Jasmine, Claire (though I believe she didn't really like me), and Guan Ting.

Sec 1 and 2. Sarah didn't like me, made mean remarks on her blog. HJ didn't like me, for God knows what reason. So I couldn't stay in the clique. It was tough. I felt so so lonely. Tried mixing around more with the guys, cos' guys make better friends in some sense anyway. They don't backstab you. That worsened the situation. I was labelled a flirt and etc. Oh please!

Sec 3 and 4. I'm really thankful to Ah Nia. You made my sec school life wonderful. But most of it was still shitty. With people who made me feel like crap, rumours flying around. No one bothered to get to know me. They were too obsessed with the rumours. To worsen things, I had people pretending to be best friends with me, while making use of me. Didn't realise till the friendship dissolved by itself.

Poly. Worst place of my life. I have people from there who are so obviously two-faced. Act nice in front of me, and then stab my back. Had some bad stuff happen to me in Year 1, and had to miss quite a few classes. When I was back in school, I practically was a stranger in class? No one bothered to help me out with homework. Selfish bunch of people. Group projects, I contributed, and people claimed that I did nothing but skive.

Lecturers who said my work suck when I put in super extra effort. When I tried so hard to brainstorm for more ideas, I got scolded for having too many ideas from different places. Isn't that what brainstorming is about anyway? Oh did you tell me how to improve on my work when you said it suck? No. Thank you. Another kinda lecturer tells me that my work was wonderful (thanks for being encouraging), but giving me a D when it comes to grading. HO. Oh yes, and pretend to be such a nice guy, but when you're no longer in his class, he doesn't even give a shit.

Attachment. Thank you Adillah for making it bearable. Thank you Shirley for... Being you? It was good during attachment. But when I joined the company, LOL. It was all different. And someone even thought I backstabbed him. Please, before you make any comments, get your facts right. Everyone likes to accuse others of things, without clarifying. And to think I still looked up to you.

I miss smoking. But I hate smoking at the same time. I remember how it could take my mind off stuffs. But I know how it is hurting me too. :(

Boyfriend boyfriend.. I hope you know that you are one of the most important people in my life, at this point. Thank you "shi fu" for telling him not to keep scolding me, making me feel really lousy.

To people out there who know me. I'm sorry if I'm not what you guys expected. I'm like an onion. I have many layers. Most of you only know up till a few outer layers. Even my mum. Deep inside I'm so inconfident, so weak, so vulnerable. But I have to put up a strong front to get past most days. E.g. school days, work days. I'm sorry that most of you are not able to see the deepest part of me. I don't like to feel vulnerable in front of people. And I love my privacy a hell lot. :/ The most important thing is... I don't know how to trust anyone at all.

It might have been caused by those people I've lived with, met, befriended. I've learnt not to trust anyone. Even your closest kin could turn on you. My dad was never really a dad I suppose..? My relatives, most of them are so bitter. There isn't anyone that I can turn to when I'm down. Only myself.

I tried to trust... But in return I always got betrayed. :'(

Thinking about all these makes me really upset. I don't know if it's me that's rotten, or weird. Or is it the people out there... Or maybe I just haven't really find a true friend...?

Lily Allen - The Fear

I wanna be rich
And I want lots of money
I don't care about clever
I don't care about funny

I want loads of clothes
And fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they're trying to find them

And I'll take my clothes off
And it will be shameless
'Cause everyone knows that's how you get famous
I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror
I'm on the right track, yeah, I'm onto a winner

I don't know what's right and what's new anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
'Cause I'm being taken over by the fear

Life's about film stars and less about mothers
It's all about fast cars and cussing each other
But that doesn't matter 'cause I'm packing plastic
And that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
And it's not my fault, it's how I'm programmed to function
I'll look at the sun and I'll look in the mirror
I'm on the right track, yeah, we're on to the winner

I don't know what's right and what's new anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
'Cause I'm being taken over by the fear

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
'Cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission
Yeah I'm not a saint but I'm not a sinner
and everything's cool as long as I'm getting thinner

I don't know what's right and what's new anymore
And I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear
'Cause I'm being taken over by the fear

The past few weeks, me and my boyfriend just kept quarrelling. Till I felt that there isn't any point in going on. I don't know, but at some point I really just wanna give up. Maybe we've changed...?

I've lost faith in the relationship though I'm still holding on. I didn't believe in marriage, but somehow he made me feel it might not be as bad as I pictured it. Too bad right now it's all ruined again. I still do not believe in marriage. Or maybe, I don't have that much trust in men that's why.

Guys are all heart breakers!! :)